Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Narcissistic Nature of Heros and Your Pathetic Need to Love Them

My band of heliotrope henchmen have informed me there is a new hero in town.  Like this place really needs another conceited caped crusader. According to my spies the city is going all out and is throwing him a parade.  Really?  For what, exactly? Moving into the neighborhood? Big deal!  “Oooo look at me I packed a box. I carried a couch. Quick somebody throw me a parade!”  That’s a Hero for you. Do you know who deserves a parade? The dude with a truck who gladly gave up his weekend to help  'the new knight' move out of his town, and into ours! That guy, saw an opening to rid his town of their costumed con man and sacrificed his time to insure he left town peacefully.  That’s my idea of a hero! Although, since he moved him into my town, now he must die!
 Society seriously has its priorities screwed up! People are so ready to languor after any looser in a loin cloth, they fail to see that these guys are just a bunch of players in polyurethane. Heros are nothing more then the bullies who shoved us smart kids into lockers, while everyone else cheered in elation because they could catch a ball.  Yeah, ball catching, that’s a life affirming skill for you.  Let me ask you, what takes more usable expertise in the real world; Being able to catch a oblong ball while running from a band of goons who also want it, or creating a beam so powerful that it can stop its victim short in the exact position they were in when the beam hit them, a freeze ray, if you will.  One of these two skill sets will end up ruling the world one day. Here is a hint: coordinated ball wrangling has no place in ruling the world. 
 But does that reality matter to you? NO! You people would rather revere the tangerine speedo-cape wearing weirdo who swoops in the last second and beats up the brain.  You create parks in their honor and give them rewards like the key to the city…. If you would have just given me the key in the first place I wouldn’t need to develop weapons like the Purple Haze of Fury, so that I can take over the city, because I would already have the key and wouldn’t need to bother. But nooooooooo you gave them to Captain Cool. He’s not even a good super hero! Throttling Captain Cool is like taking candy from an armless sleeping baby.  His persistent crying and endless begging for mercy is starting to run on my purple nerves. I should just dispatch him once and for all and be done with it. But then again what would I do on a random Tuesday when there is nothing on TV because Glee is in re-runs? 
But look at me I am getting off subject again.  What were we talking about ?  Oh yeah the new guy. Apparently he goes by the label Super Stud.  SUPER STUD?  Are you kidding me?  I cant wait to get a load of the ego on this one!  Does anyone even comment on the narcissistic nature of this name? No. They are too busy putting up bunting and making sure the high school band is ready for the big parade. I guess I should not complain, lord knows I could use a new challenge,  it will at least be interesting to see if he lives up to his narcissistic status.

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