Thursday, June 21, 2012

Super Stud=Super Confusing

I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!! What is wrong with this guy?

Everything was working in our favor. The Tri-County Senior Citizen Cat Show and Tea was in town.  Hundreds of white haired ladies and their pompous prized pussy cats all gathered in one spot, Hero’s Park. This is flanked by the beautiful and huge high trees of the Forrest.   It was a perfect day, one designed with Catastrophic in mind.

Cat was in fine form. We reconstructed the fluff modulator I gave her so that it was now part of her utility belt.  Cat jetted in and out of the crowd while she snatched, fluffed and threw, snatched, fluffed and threw those furry little varmints to her hearts content. While little gray haired ladies twittered around panicked, fanning themselves with their lacy hankies in utter shock and dismay. It was beautiful! I have never been so proud of her.

 Just as expected Super Stud came to the rescue. You should have seen his face when Cat landed the first knock down blow. He, like so many others before him, underestimated her. He won’t be making that mistake again anytime soon.

I was wrong about his fighting skills; they are very good, maybe even better than my own. He lasted longer in combat with Cat then I ever have.  I think she was going easy on him. If she took him down too quickly he would not have a chance to pull out the weapon.  What I do not understand is that he never used it. He was clearly out gunned; he must have known she was just toying with him. Why then would he not use it like he did on me…twice!   After about 30 minutes, and he still had not used it, I could see Cat was getting bored so I signaled her the okay to shut things down, which she did quite handily.

 Why didn’t he use it?

To make matters worse I am now questioning my theory that he has super human attraction abilities. Cat is totally unaffected. She called him cute….Cute?  If I had any question about her immunity, like maybe she was embarrassed and just didn’t want to talk about it, the cute comment cleared that up. The cats she threw in the tree were cute. Super Stud is nothing short of magnificent.  

It was a stupid theory anyway.  What could possibly cause super attraction? There is no spectrum of gamma radiation that can make a man smell that good. Space contamination in general, let alone at exposure levels high enough to morph DNA and create any unforeseen abilities, does not leave one smelling rain fresh.  Take The Green guy with that lantern, for example, Sure he’s nice to look at but he smells so strongly of sulfur and space ooze no one wants to be in the same room with him, and his space contamination is nowhere close to the levels, Super Stud would need to have studlyness as a power. 

I am going to wait a few days and see if maybe it takes a bit for the full effect to sink in.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

The danger of a Fashion Flop and a Varmint Flinger.

 Well, so much for that big dumb Idea!  Not only did Magneto’s stupid helmet not work,  Super Stud laughed at me! He asked if I was using the same fashion consultant as Captain Cool. Sure it didn’t look as good as Mag’s, but I don’t possess the power to manipulate metal like he does.  I had to make do with an old bike helmet. That’s no reason to be mean and compare me to Captain Tool.  

The principles of the helmet were solid and it should have worked.The fact that I got hit with the weapon again, just like before, proved that theory wrong! 

I am too close to the problem to figure it out logically. I need to see it from another point of view. Cat has agreed to put her self in harms way. We are going to use her as bate.  

I know what you are thinking The woman throws cats into trees, how potent can she be?  That is the beauty of the plan. Cat has 4 amoral super jerks for brothers who used her to practice their fighting skill.  I am good but she can kick my butt 7 ways from Sunday blindfolded and with one hand tied behind her back.( when she is mad that is.)   If Super Stud felt out manned fighting me, he would be way over his head facing her. So the use of the secret weapon is certain.  I will be hiding in the bushes ready to capture it all on camera for research. 

 I have not told her the full extent of my suffering. She is not aware of the dreams, the night sweats the uncontrollable need to wear lip gloss and make sure my cape is ironed before I leave the house. I feel conflicted about not telling her, she is doing me a huge favor. But at the same time,  I need her to have as little information on the affect this sensory distortion has, so not to taint my findings. I don’t want to plant subliminal suggested seeds of possible symptoms. Kind of how like when you are watching t.v. and a commercial for restless leg symptoms comes on and next thing you know is you are up all night with an uncontrollable need to move your legs. You don’t really have restless leg you are just a victim of a subliminal suggestion seeds of a possible symptoms. 

Its for science.     

She is a good friend she will understand. 

I hope.