Saturday, September 24, 2011

Finally Face to Face with Super Stud!

I had my first face to face run in with Super Stud today.  And my spies were right he does have lovely eyes. It seems that I have under estimated his skills. He has a secret weapon I was not prepared for. It’s like a stunning ray or a semi- paralyzing beam that leaves its victim helpless and dumb for a few moments.  It took me completely by surprise. I hate to admit that I did not even see where he had the weapon hidden or how he managed to pull it out and use it on me so quickly.

All I remember is that we were fighting. I was winning, this I know because why else would he be forced to pull out a weapon that powerful if he had the upper hand? The very fact he had to use it in the first place shows my superior skills in combat over his.

 We were exchanging the normal piffy banter one expects when engaged in hand-to-hand combat. It is one of their tricks. What they are hoping is that if they get us talking we will start monologue. It was the usual:
“Prepare for your doom, for I am the Purple Nightmare!”
“Wait, you are the purple nightmare?”
“Were you expecting someone else?”
“No, not exactly…. well maybe. Someone a little more, I don’t know, nightmarish…and brunette. You have to admit the name congers up a cretin image.”
“Well I was expecting Ewan McGregor, Super Stud; we don’t always get what we want! Are you prepared to face my rage and to tremble in my greatness?”
“Ewan McGregor? That’s your idea of studly? I would have had you pegged for the Dwayne The Rock Johnson type, maybe a Taylor Lautner. Defiantly not an Ewan McGregor.  Do you mind explaining why?
“What is this an interview or a fight?  What does it matter? I love his accent, He can sing, ok? He’s hot. Some girls prefer a guy who has talent, to those who rest on just their looks, Super Stud.   Now are you prepared to meet your doom or would you like to ask about my childhood pets?"
“Either way you do not scare me, Nightmare.”
“You will quake with fear once you have experienced my full wrath! Long after today you will dream of me and wake begging for your mother.”
He then raised one of his eyebrows at me and said with an insolent tone “I find you intriguing Nightmare. Not at all what I expected. If I do dream of you, it’s not my mother is who I will be calling for when I wake.”

 That’s when I connected a roundhouse kick to his head. He recovered quicker than I expected which is impressive, but I caught the wonderment that flickered in his eyes.  You can always tell when you are about to throw the winning blow in a battle, because something like awe washes across their features that very second they know they have been beaten by true greatness. His was most satisfying. His eyes are the color of summer meadow after a storm and they flashed with a tawny fire of admiration. The little chocolate flecks that rim those hazel orbs sparkled with defeat.  Even the corner of his mouth, which is perfectly shaped by the way, a little bottom heavy and a tiny bit of a crooked slant, that gives it that rakish quality, twitched up just for a moment.    ~* Sigh*~ Have you ever noticed, how on some people paralyzing fear looks a lot like mockery?

  I will admit I was a little distracted, but that was only because he came to the conclusion he had lost so quickly.  I was prepared to battle a lot longer than just a few blows. He must be very bad at hand-to-hand combat, although he hid it well.  I did not see any fatal flaws in his form. Not at all like I do when I face Captain Cool.  Frankly I thought his fighting skills matched my own, and I was pleased to finally have a challenger worthy of my efforts. After the first few blows I had settled with the idea this was going to be a long battle.  So it is understandable that, when that look formed in his eyes, the one that said “I give up! I have met my match.”  It threw me off center and before I had a chance to realize my mistake he had trapped the sides of my face with both his hands and his head started coming towards mine. This is where things start to get a little hazy.

I am sure he head-butted me here. That would explain the confusion and the dream like haze I haven’t been able to shake all day.  It would also help explain why I never saw the weapon he ultimately used against me. But in my mind I see it in slow motion, (it must be a side effect of the weapon) just as his face closed in on mine the world closed in on me.

It was like a veil slowly descending into darkness, until it engulfed me. I never felt the pain of impact. I guess I should be grateful for that much. In fact what I felt was more like the opposite of pain. It was a warm brush of something soft and heated. That’s when the tingling started. My pulse raced and the darken world I was trapped in, started to spin. The sensation that had started at my face worked its way down my spine and then swam circles in my stomach, making it flip over and over again. My arms involuntarily went completely limp and my knees almost gave way.

What little will I had left yielded to the sensation despite my best effort to keep things under control.  And then as quickly as it came the intense warmth left, and the darken veil lifted as if I was opening my eyes slowly. But the sensation of surrender, however lingered far too long. By the time I was able to get my wits about me he was gone and so was the Polarized subspace collider I had just stolen.

  Scientifically speaking it was not all together a bad feeling, just jarring and a little shocking I was taken so off guard.  Being the scientist that I am, I would not mind being hit with that weapon again…strictly for research mind you, and in a controlled environment. It would be the best way to figure out what this weapon is, how to deflect it next time, and more importantly how to recreate it as a weapon of my own! 

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Watch Out Minion-A. I'm Making 'The Purple Haze of Fury.' And I'll Test it on You!

There is nothing like a new direction to put the spring back into one’s step. Thanks to a miscalculation of the Giga-watt flux conduit the Gamma Utility Nanite Sphere or G.U.N.S project has been scrapped. I am not that upset about it, frankly Gamma Utility Nanite Spheres are so over used. Where is the creativity? Where is  the elegance? I have moved on to bigger and better things, such as, The Purple Haze of Fury!  Purple Haze of Fury, tell your friends. 
I was surprised, seeing how much of a huge pain in my back side Super Stud has been the last two weeks, that the Pompous Paladin was no were to be seen when I broke into Foster Labs. I needed to pick up some Paragon Isotope for the Purple Haze of Fury Generator. Once again my only obstacle was Captain Cool.  You would think that the Fosters would rethink their security contract with that fool, seeing how I am in and out of there several times a week and he has only been able to stop me once, three years ago, and I had a cold. Besides who is afraid of a grown man in a tangerine speedo?
I have decided that Cat was right, not that I would ever admit this to her, it would only perpetuate that goodie-goodie nature she is trying so hard to over come, but I have grown complacent with the incompetents of Captain Tool. I am actually impatient to see just how much of a challenge this new comer is.  Defeating minions are one thing, dealing with me face to face is another. 
In other news: It has come to my attention that one of my loyal following is not so loyal after all, but is in fact a double agent.  This is distressing seeing how Minion X is still in jail and the others must pick up the slack. Minion-A as I shall call her is unaware I am on to her deception.  But really I think she has seen one to many movies with all of her sycophant groveling and begging for mercy, “yes my lord” and “ use me my league” “Please show pity on me oh purple one.” “ I’m not worthy”  Like I have ever treated a minion bad. Every villain knows the key to faithful flunkeys is a well rounded total compensation package for all henchman, including medical, dental, and two weeks a year vacation. I am even a strong supporter of the Lackey’s Union. 
I mean I am all for the normal heathy fear and groveling associated with all Super villains and their underlings, but this one takes things to the next level. She actually wet herself when she got my coffee wrong.   Everyone knows a wrong coffee order requires nothing more then a mild beating and three hours  cleaning out the poisson cabinet by tasting and logging the affect of anything unmarked. Nothing worthy of wetting ones self.  At first I thought it was a self confidence issue. Lackeys often suffer from low self-esteem. But while she groveled  to me, I saw an air of self importance, uncharacteristic in a factotum with a inferiority complex, when talking with her fellow flunkeys.
  This made me suspicious. So I had her texts pulled. She may be a double agent but she is not to bright if she thought I could not, or would not check the text messages sent out from the company provided cell phone. Unfortunately the person she was texting is smart enough to have a blocked number and is never referred to by name nor does this person send instructions via text. This could be a problem and it brings up several questions:
1) Who is Minion-A working for? 
2) Is this person a threat?
3) How can I use this to my advantage? 
4) Is it just a coincidence that I discover the deceit of Minion-A the same time Super Stud moves into town? 
For now I think I will let Minion-A feel she is successfully fooling me. Seeing how she has violated the ethical clause in my contract I feel no guilt in throwing her in harms way, or what ever painfully painful tasks I may come across in my quest to rule the world. I think over the next few weeks Minion-A is going to feel the full force of what it means to be a loyal cohort of the Purple nightmare. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!

Grrrrrr!  There is something wrong with the Giga-watt flux conduit! It is messing up the photonics spatial disturbance mogul in the Gamma Utility Nanite Sphere. The unknown quantum discriminator just will not generate enough nucleonic auxiliary nanite materialization to properly support the sphere.  I am back to square one! 

Minion X, is still behind bars thanks to that stupid Super Stud. The City Counsel just announced they will be adding Captain Cool’s likeness to Hero’s park, and Minion-A got my Coffee wrong, AGAIN!  

Can this day get any worse?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

So Much for Christmas Down Under!

Several of my minions, including the most loyal, Minion X, are now in custody thanks to the new hero, Super Stud. More like Super Dud if you ask me. He has put the production of the Gamma Utility Nanite Sphere or the G.U.N.S way behind schedule.  Three jobs this week alone have been stopped by him. And yet my spies have not been able to produce any useful information other then he has a lovely pair of eyes.  Like that is helpful!
When I said I wanted a new challenge I meant I wanted to have to come up with some new insults and ways to make a grown man cry. Not to have my whole timeline thrown into disarray. At this rate there will be no way I can achieve my goal to own Australia by Christmas. Not without the G.U.N.S!
I have not had a week go this bad since the time I had mono and I had a bad reaction to the medication the doctor gave me. I knew better but I was in a hurry to complete the Atmospheric Sequencer Simulation. I tried to pull a brake-in on Foster Labs, but I was so drugged up I might as well have been sleep walking.  Captain Cool got his one and only victory over me that night. It’s been 3 years and that fool still brings it up every time we fight! 
 I think Cat or as she likes to be called, Catastrophic could tell I was in need of a victory, over something, anything, no matter how small.  She’s a good friend. Unfortunately for me her idea of cheering me up is to make me go out with her on her quest to steal people’s reserved parking spaces. She promised that the exercise would be, at the very least, entertaining.  
Parking in reserved parking spaces and then hiding in the bushes to watch the owner of that space flip out is not what I would call, evil or genius. But I will give her that it did prove to be therapeutic. Watching Captain Cool’s reaction as he tried to park for the Hero’s Luncheon at the Mayor’s historic mansion was most entertaining.   Silly me, here I thought the key to Captain Cools downfall was combat. As it turns out all you have to do is make him walk.
Cat, in her perpetually sickening need to be optimistic, tried to give me a pep talk.  She says I should look at this as a blessing. That I have grown comfortable and lazy with Captain Cool’s incompetence. This new hero will force me to raise my game. I am not sure if this is true wisdom on her behalf or just a byproduct of her goodie-goodie superhero up bringing. It’s hard to tell. Having both parents and all four of her brothers as tights wielding weirdoes with egos to match, plus one of her uncles is a member of the Justice League has to infect one’s prospective of life. I mean her idea of an evening of mayhem is parking in reserved parking spots and throwing an occasional cat in a tree. Is it any wonder her family thinks her malfeasance is nothing more than a rebellious phase?
 And yet her words haunt me. Could she be right?  Have I THE PURPLE NIGHTMARE evil genius, esquire and member of the E.L.E grown lazy?

Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Narcissistic Nature of Heros and Your Pathetic Need to Love Them

My band of heliotrope henchmen have informed me there is a new hero in town.  Like this place really needs another conceited caped crusader. According to my spies the city is going all out and is throwing him a parade.  Really?  For what, exactly? Moving into the neighborhood? Big deal!  “Oooo look at me I packed a box. I carried a couch. Quick somebody throw me a parade!”  That’s a Hero for you. Do you know who deserves a parade? The dude with a truck who gladly gave up his weekend to help  'the new knight' move out of his town, and into ours! That guy, saw an opening to rid his town of their costumed con man and sacrificed his time to insure he left town peacefully.  That’s my idea of a hero! Although, since he moved him into my town, now he must die!
 Society seriously has its priorities screwed up! People are so ready to languor after any looser in a loin cloth, they fail to see that these guys are just a bunch of players in polyurethane. Heros are nothing more then the bullies who shoved us smart kids into lockers, while everyone else cheered in elation because they could catch a ball.  Yeah, ball catching, that’s a life affirming skill for you.  Let me ask you, what takes more usable expertise in the real world; Being able to catch a oblong ball while running from a band of goons who also want it, or creating a beam so powerful that it can stop its victim short in the exact position they were in when the beam hit them, a freeze ray, if you will.  One of these two skill sets will end up ruling the world one day. Here is a hint: coordinated ball wrangling has no place in ruling the world. 
 But does that reality matter to you? NO! You people would rather revere the tangerine speedo-cape wearing weirdo who swoops in the last second and beats up the brain.  You create parks in their honor and give them rewards like the key to the city…. If you would have just given me the key in the first place I wouldn’t need to develop weapons like the Purple Haze of Fury, so that I can take over the city, because I would already have the key and wouldn’t need to bother. But nooooooooo you gave them to Captain Cool. He’s not even a good super hero! Throttling Captain Cool is like taking candy from an armless sleeping baby.  His persistent crying and endless begging for mercy is starting to run on my purple nerves. I should just dispatch him once and for all and be done with it. But then again what would I do on a random Tuesday when there is nothing on TV because Glee is in re-runs? 
But look at me I am getting off subject again.  What were we talking about ?  Oh yeah the new guy. Apparently he goes by the label Super Stud.  SUPER STUD?  Are you kidding me?  I cant wait to get a load of the ego on this one!  Does anyone even comment on the narcissistic nature of this name? No. They are too busy putting up bunting and making sure the high school band is ready for the big parade. I guess I should not complain, lord knows I could use a new challenge,  it will at least be interesting to see if he lives up to his narcissistic status.