Saturday, May 19, 2012

Coffee Stains, and Fluffy Cats

I am feeling very productive this week. First the takeover of Good Day Sacramento, and I am now sure that my favorite flunky Minion-A is not working for Super Stud! So far, other than a few minion setbacks I am feeling rather good about things.  I have been feeding Minion-A wrong information for weeks now, all leading up to the trap I set using her as bate. The plan was to send her out on a fruitless mission to see if I can coax her benefactor out of hiding.  There is no way she could have known my true plans were in fact not to steal more Paragon Isotope from Foster Labs, but to rob the carrier van that contained and seemly harmless device called the Fluff Modulator. Used by groomers all over the world to fluff those poor excuses for dogs. 

The brilliance of my plan is that I don’t need the Fluff Modulator for anything I am doing; It’s a gift for Catastrophic. In fact no one, not even I, knew of the plans to steal the Fluff Modulator today, I had planned to spend my day working on the helmet that should protect me form Super Studs Super lame power.  I had only heard of its arrival by carrier van after I had sent Minion-A on her mission of recon.

I figure if Cat insists on throwing those poor creatures up into trees, no matter how many times I tell her doing so is just mean, not evil, she is going to have to do something to make her victims more likable. By the time they get the poor beasts down they look so mangy, people tend to be more appalled at the varmints then actually feel sorry for them. I thought if she could fluff them before she throws them into the trees. Make them more cute, then mangy, maybe it would help people feel sorry for her victims and then fear her just a little bit more. Let’s face it that girl needs all the help she can get!

Had Minion-A been working for Super Stud as I first suspected, he would have been guarding Foster Labs at 3pm and not getting coffee from THE HUMAN BEAN right as I was making my get away. 

He threw his coffee at me! 

Do you have any idea how hard it is to get coffee out of cape fabric?  That crap stains like a Mother@#@#.I knew I should have scotch guarded it before I wore it out, but Noooo it was new and I wanted to wear it. I hate that Super Stud.

Luckily, my heist was so random and unexpected; he was unprepared for my sudden appearance. A supersonic scalding hot coffee bath was the worst he could do to me. I had too much of a head start. 

I am no closer to finding out who Minion-A is working for, she is held up in the woods somewhere waiting for my signal that says it is safe to return…I guess I should send up the signal…eventually. They say it’s only an 80% chance of rain tonight, so there is no hurry. In the mean time I am getting great pleasure out of picturing Super Stud scratching that deep-chocolate-sexy-TV- doctor head of hair of his trying to figure out what kind of sick, dastardly deed I have planed for a pet grooming device.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Good Day Purple Nightmare!

Yesterday’s invasion of the puny Sacramento morning show Good Day Sacramento was a complete success. Not only did I dominate the screen, the Hydro-Graymatter control amplifying cone was successfully hooked up to their news feed and only awaits my order to turn it on. I also arranged for two of my M.O.Ms (minions of the month) to meet a legend among lackeys, Allan Sanchez, the Good Day crews head flunky, making me a sure win for this year’s Grovelers Globe’s Villain of The Year. I mean I am a big fan of Magneto and all, but 3 years in a row! COME ON! Does he even serve Pizza on Fridays? No!

 I have to say I like that Cody Stark. He has a soft and playable mind, like silly putty, and he has a healthy curiosity of evil etiquette. I feel he is like Cat and a victim of the goodie- goodie-let’s- all- hold-hands-and-sing-happy-songs environment of the show he is on. Amy his co- host is bubbly doe eyed saccharin sweet provocateur of goodness. I am sure she is an operative for the other side sent to keep Cody on the straight and narrow. I suspect she hides a box of kittens under her desk, she is just that type. Poor Cody does not have a chance. For this, Amy has earned a place on my Wall of Hate (for that and all the smack talk she gave out before the show. I don’t take kindly to smack talk)

 I have decided to take Cody under my wing and am currently looking into making him a possible scholarship student at the Menace Correspondence School of Malintent. The courses have done wonders for Catastrophic’s anger development. Currently Professor Menace is not taking any new students so this may take some time. In the meantime I will have to follow Cody’s progress closely. Now all I have to do is flip the switch to the Hydro-Graymatter control amplifying cone and all of the Good Day viewers will become mindless servants to my every whim. (Maybe this way I can finally get a decent cup of coffee, henchmen are always too heavy handed with the hazelnut).

But first I must figure out a way to deflect Super Studs power of studdliness. I had to make some alterations to the plans Mag Sent over, the helmet is almost done.

Part one of me on the show
Part 2 of me on the show

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Mind Control-Not Just for Jedis Any More!

I have infiltrated a local T.V. station in the inessential  town of Sacramento Ca. ( Its not Australia, but its a start)  These pathetic fools have fallen pray to my awesomeness,  They cower at the mere mention of my name! And now tomorrow they will hand over the broadcast of the local morning show to ME The Purple Nightmare, Evil Genius, Esquire, graduate of The Professor Menace Correspondence School of Malintent and member of the Evil League of Evil and now future star of Good Day Sacramento.These fools actually invited me to be the show! As if I would stop there!  They have handed me the keys to their doom! 
In preparation of this take over, I have had my minions working day and night to finish Hydro-graymatter control amplifying cone to hook up to the news feed. If successful the viewers of Good Day Sacramento will soon be under my power. 
 This would good time to send a shout out to Minion K. He has collapsed in exhaustion for all of his hard work on this project, but I don’t do those sort of things. Minion K has 20 minutes to get back to work or he shall feel my wrath.