Minion-A texted her benefactor today to inform her that she has found the secret layer inside my secret layer. I find this very exciting news, for I do not have a secret layer inside my secret layer. That would be redundant, and I hate redundancy. My best guess, and by guess I mean I know for sure, that she is talking about my old laboratory in the basement. I abandoned that just a few months before she started in my employment.
Basements are so dark and damp with their cinderblock walls and poor ventilation and I needed something less oppressive, something, light and airy. I wanted lavender walls and soft purple upholstery. I think plotting the destruction of the world should be done in a warm inviting place, not a damp dark dungeon with bad air conditioning. Besides that security system down there is so outdated any prepubescent teen with an iPhone could hack into it. I mainly use it for storage now.
I also forgot to tell the maids to stop cleaning it so I can see why she felt she had stumbled onto something secret.
The minions are strictly banned from that area, but not because of any secret underground layer I wanted to keep hidden from them, but because it is also next to the chocolate pantry. And minions have no self-control when it comes to sweets. I want to know that when I get a carving for one of those 24 Karat Gold Flexed Criollo Cocoa Bonbon with a Liquid Ruby Center I stole off Captain Cool’s hero appreciation gift basket from Venezuela last month, it will be there, ready to be savored and appreciated.
With this new development I now know how to supply Minion-A and her Benefactor with the exact information I desire.
I also think it’s time to have Minion-A, test the super-secret, only my trust few are aware of, Purple Jet Pack of Flames. The one with the bad guiding system and faulty eject button that I had stored down in the basement until I had the time to work out the kinks.
I have not yet had the time.
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