Super Stud=Super Confusing

I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!! What is wrong with this guy?

Everything was working in our favor. The Tri-County Senior Citizen Cat Show and Tea was in town.  Hundreds of white haired ladies and their pompous prized pussy cats all gathered in one spot, Hero’s Park. This is flanked by the beautiful and huge high trees of the Forrest.   It was a perfect day, one designed with Catastrophic in mind.

Cat was in fine form. We reconstructed the fluff modulator I gave her so that it was now part of her utility belt.  Cat jetted in and out of the crowd while she snatched, fluffed and threw, snatched, fluffed and threw those furry little varmints to her hearts content. While little gray haired ladies twittered around panicked, fanning themselves with their lacy hankies in utter shock and dismay. It was beautiful! I have never been so proud of her.

 Just as expected Super Stud came to the rescue. You should have seen his face when Cat landed the first knock down blow. He, like so many others before him, underestimated her. He won’t be making that mistake again anytime soon.

I was wrong about his fighting skills; they are very good, maybe even better than my own. He lasted longer in combat with Cat then I ever have.  I think she was going easy on him. If she took him down too quickly he would not have a chance to pull out the weapon.  What I do not understand is that he never used it. He was clearly out gunned; he must have known she was just toying with him. Why then would he not use it like he did on me…twice!   After about 30 minutes, and he still had not used it, I could see Cat was getting bored so I signaled her the okay to shut things down, which she did quite handily.

 Why didn’t he use it?

To make matters worse I am now questioning my theory that he has super human attraction abilities. Cat is totally unaffected. She called him cute….Cute?  If I had any question about her immunity, like maybe she was embarrassed and just didn’t want to talk about it, the cute comment cleared that up. The cats she threw in the tree were cute. Super Stud is nothing short of magnificent.  

It was a stupid theory anyway.  What could possibly cause super attraction? There is no spectrum of gamma radiation that can make a man smell that good. Space contamination in general, let alone at exposure levels high enough to morph DNA and create any unforeseen abilities, does not leave one smelling rain fresh.  Take The Green guy with that lantern, for example, Sure he’s nice to look at but he smells so strongly of sulfur and space ooze no one wants to be in the same room with him, and his space contamination is nowhere close to the levels, Super Stud would need to have studlyness as a power. 

I am going to wait a few days and see if maybe it takes a bit for the full effect to sink in.

The danger of a Fashion Flop and a Varmint Flinger.

 Well, so much for that big dumb Idea!  Not only did Magneto’s stupid helmet not work,  Super Stud laughed at me! He asked if I was using the same fashion consultant as Captain Cool. Sure it didn’t look as good as Mag’s, but I don’t possess the power to manipulate metal like he does.  I had to make do with an old bike helmet. That’s no reason to be mean and compare me to Captain Tool.  

The principles of the helmet were solid and it should have worked.The fact that I got hit with the weapon again, just like before, proved that theory wrong! 

I am too close to the problem to figure it out logically. I need to see it from another point of view. Cat has agreed to put her self in harms way. We are going to use her as bate.  

I know what you are thinking The woman throws cats into trees, how potent can she be?  That is the beauty of the plan. Cat has 4 amoral super jerks for brothers who used her to practice their fighting skill.  I am good but she can kick my butt 7 ways from Sunday blindfolded and with one hand tied behind her back.( when she is mad that is.)   If Super Stud felt out manned fighting me, he would be way over his head facing her. So the use of the secret weapon is certain.  I will be hiding in the bushes ready to capture it all on camera for research. 

 I have not told her the full extent of my suffering. She is not aware of the dreams, the night sweats the uncontrollable need to wear lip gloss and make sure my cape is ironed before I leave the house. I feel conflicted about not telling her, she is doing me a huge favor. But at the same time,  I need her to have as little information on the affect this sensory distortion has, so not to taint my findings. I don’t want to plant subliminal suggested seeds of possible symptoms. Kind of how like when you are watching t.v. and a commercial for restless leg symptoms comes on and next thing you know is you are up all night with an uncontrollable need to move your legs. You don’t really have restless leg you are just a victim of a subliminal suggestion seeds of a possible symptoms. 

Its for science.     

She is a good friend she will understand. 

I hope.

Coffee Stains, and Fluffy Cats

I am feeling very productive this week. First the takeover of Good Day Sacramento, and I am now sure that my favorite flunky Minion-A is not working for Super Stud! So far, other than a few minion setbacks I am feeling rather good about things.  I have been feeding Minion-A wrong information for weeks now, all leading up to the trap I set using her as bate. The plan was to send her out on a fruitless mission to see if I can coax her benefactor out of hiding.  There is no way she could have known my true plans were in fact not to steal more Paragon Isotope from Foster Labs, but to rob the carrier van that contained and seemly harmless device called the Fluff Modulator. Used by groomers all over the world to fluff those poor excuses for dogs. 


The brilliance of my plan is that I don’t need the Fluff Modulator for anything I am doing; It’s a gift for Catastrophic. In fact no one, not even I, knew of the plans to steal the Fluff Modulator today, I had planned to spend my day working on the helmet that should protect me form Super Studs Super lame power.  I had only heard of its arrival by carrier van after I had sent Minion-A on her mission of recon.

I figure if Cat insists on throwing those poor creatures up into trees, no matter how many times I tell her doing so is just mean, not evil, she is going to have to do something to make her victims more likable. By the time they get the poor beasts down they look so mangy, people tend to be more appalled at the varmints then actually feel sorry for them. I thought if she could fluff them before she throws them into the trees. Make them more cute, then mangy, maybe it would help people feel sorry for her victims and then fear her just a little bit more. Let’s face it that girl needs all the help she can get!

Had Minion-A been working for Super Stud as I first suspected, he would have been guarding Foster Labs at 3pm and not getting coffee from THE HUMAN BEAN right as I was making my get away. 


He threw his coffee at me! 


Do you have any idea how hard it is to get coffee out of cape fabric?  That crap stains like a Mother@#@#.I knew I should have scotch guarded it before I wore it out, but Noooo it was new and I wanted to wear it. I hate that Super Stud.

Luckily, my heist was so random and unexpected; he was unprepared for my sudden appearance. A supersonic scalding hot coffee bath was the worst he could do to me. I had too much of a head start. 

I am no closer to finding out who Minion-A is working for, she is held up in the woods somewhere waiting for my signal that says it is safe to return…I guess I should send up the signal…eventually. They say it’s only an 80% chance of rain tonight, so there is no hurry. In the mean time I am getting great pleasure out of picturing Super Stud scratching that deep-chocolate-sexy-TV- doctor head of hair of his trying to figure out what kind of sick, dastardly deed I have planed for a pet grooming device.

Good Day Purple Nightmare!

Yesterday’s invasion of the puny Sacramento morning show Good Day Sacramento was a complete success. Not only did I dominate the screen, the Hydro-Graymatter control amplifying cone was successfully hooked up to their news feed and only awaits my order to turn it on. I also arranged for two of my M.O.Ms (minions of the month) to meet a legend among lackeys, Allan Sanchez, the Good Day crews head flunky, making me a sure win for this year’s Grovelers Globe’s Villain of The Year. I mean I am a big fan of Magneto and all, but 3 years in a row! COME ON! Does he even serve Pizza on Fridays? No!

 I have to say I like that Cody Stark. He has a soft and playable mind, like silly putty, and he has a healthy curiosity of evil etiquette. I feel he is like Cat and a victim of the goodie- goodie-let’s- all- hold-hands-and-sing-happy-songs environment of the show he is on. Amy his co- host is bubbly doe eyed saccharin sweet provocateur of goodness. I am sure she is an operative for the other side sent to keep Cody on the straight and narrow. I suspect she hides a box of kittens under her desk, she is just that type. Poor Cody does not have a chance. For this, Amy has earned a place on my Wall of Hate (for that and all the smack talk she gave out before the show. I don’t take kindly to smack talk)

 I have decided to take Cody under my wing and am currently looking into making him a possible scholarship student at the Menace Correspondence School of Malintent. The courses have done wonders for Catastrophic’s anger development. Currently Professor Menace is not taking any new students so this may take some time. In the meantime I will have to follow Cody’s progress closely. Now all I have to do is flip the switch to the Hydro-Graymatter control amplifying cone and all of the Good Day viewers will become mindless servants to my every whim. (Maybe this way I can finally get a decent cup of coffee, henchmen are always too heavy handed with the hazelnut).

But first I must figure out a way to deflect Super Studs power of studdliness. I had to make some alterations to the plans Mag Sent over, the helmet is almost done.

Part one of me on the show
Part 2 of me on the show

Mind Control-Not Just for Jedis Any More!

I have infiltrated a local T.V. station in the inessential  town of Sacramento Ca. ( Its not Australia, but its a start)  These pathetic fools have fallen pray to my awesomeness,  They cower at the mere mention of my name! And now tomorrow they will hand over the broadcast of the local morning show to ME The Purple Nightmare, Evil Genius, Esquire, graduate of The Professor Menace Correspondence School of Malintent and member of the Evil League of Evil and now future star of Good Day Sacramento.These fools actually invited me to be the show! As if I would stop there!  They have handed me the keys to their doom! 

In preparation of this take over, I have had my minions working day and night to finish Hydro-graymatter control amplifying cone to hook up to the news feed. If successful the viewers of Good Day Sacramento will soon be under my power. 

 This would good time to send a shout out to Minion K. He has collapsed in exhaustion for all of his hard work on this project, but I don’t do those sort of things. Minion K has 20 minutes to get back to work or he shall feel my wrath. 

Can Studliness Actually be a Power?

Why didn’t I think of this before? I have been such a fool! I am not suffering from some unforeseen after effects of a man made secret weapon. The man’s name is Super Stud. This must be part of his super power. All of the day dreaming and swooning, I can admit it now, there was a slight bit of swooning. But only a tiny, minuscule amount of swooning, not really a full on swoon but a mini swoon , a swo, if you will.  It’s his super power!  I cannot believe with all of my super genius I missed it!

This may be why I have not been able to figure out how he beat me. It is possible that he does not have an actual weapon at all, I may have been distracted by that overwhelming and sudden delirium of giddiness and it allowed him to get the upper hand.

If my hypothesis is correct then, it means I will need to work on  ways to deflect his effect on me. I wonder if it is a form of telepathic attack. If so then I should be able to use technology and wire a protective helmet like that of Magneto’s.  I called Mag today and he has promised to fax over the schematics. He guaranteed me that it will work on all super human energy manipulation on the telepathic scale.

Can You Give a Villain a Break?!

I had planned to talk to Catastrophic today regarding this distorted impression thing I cannot seem to shake. I wanted to see if she had any ideas on how to counteract it. It’s been some time now and while the effect seems to be dissipating I still see him whenever I close my eyes. His deep greenish-brown soulful eyes with their little flecks of gold just around the edges, that devil-may care way his crooked grin pulls at one’s sole, that longingly sweet smell of him… I can only wish this kind of torture is what I inflict on my rivals.

 Unfortunately we never got that far. As it turns out, her family held an intervention. They even called in her uncle who is on the Justice League, and the whole damn league showed up! Poor girl was surrounded by generations of hero’s including all of her brothers in full costumed glory. That much spandex in one room should be outlawed. Talk about nightmares. 

Apparently her mother kept wailing, “Why can’t you be more like Steve? He’s a real hero!”

 Steve? Really? Steve the sleaze is more like it. I know Steve. I had several run-ins with him in the civilian world while I was working two jobs during the day and pulling whatever heist I could in the evenings trying  to save up for my first hideout.  He used to come in to the restaurant where I worked, he would always send back his order for no reason at all then he would not only stiff me on my tips every time but he would walk out on his bill as well.  Then he would have the nerve to spout these verbal gems like “Hero’s are what hero’s do. Your welcome.” While grabbing my ass.  

Nothing’s worse than a hero with an over inflated moral complex desperately lacking of basic morals.  I mean they think they are better than us villains, but at least we are honest about who we are. We are not pretending to save all humanity while trying to figure out how to bend it in a way that is completely self-serving. We are very open in our desire to bend the world to serve us. And for the most part we are all excellent tippers. I mean Venom is not but he rarely eats out anyways.  Magneto is famous for always paying in cash and letting the waitress keep whatever coins are left as well as leaving a very generous tip. It has something to do with not wanting to carry around the metal… but whatever.

Steve was my first conquest as the persona The Purple Nightmare. I took great pleasure in taking him down. It wasn’t even that hard, he had been drinking while on patrol.  Stellar hero behavior let me tell you! He had the park beat…there are kids in that park. I am not sure he understood why I was throwing change at him and quoting random hyperboles while he begged for my mercy, but I felt much better afterwards.  

 The whole episode was very upsetting for Cat. She was so mad she actually pushed a kid off his bike on her way over. Anger looks good on her. Her thoughts for once were the appropriate shade of dark.  There were a few thoughts of revenge on her brothers that had actual promise. She definitely suffers from acute anger management… not enough anger to manage. If we can somehow tap into her anger towards her family, there just may be hope for her yet.  We are going to work on that together. 

 I decided she was on the verge of an evil brake through, and I did not want to distract her from her ranting.  I’ll talk to her about my problems later. I can suffer through those hellish dreams a few more nights, if it means Cat finally taps in to her dark side.  That’s what friends are for right?