Can Studliness Actually be a Power?

Why didn’t I think of this before? I have been such a fool! I am not suffering from some unforeseen after effects of a man made secret weapon. The man’s name is Super Stud. This must be part of his super power. All of the day dreaming and swooning, I can admit it now, there was a slight bit of swooning. But only a tiny, minuscule amount of swooning, not really a full on swoon but a mini swoon , a swo, if you will.  It’s his super power!  I cannot believe with all of my super genius I missed it!

This may be why I have not been able to figure out how he beat me. It is possible that he does not have an actual weapon at all, I may have been distracted by that overwhelming and sudden delirium of giddiness and it allowed him to get the upper hand.

If my hypothesis is correct then, it means I will need to work on  ways to deflect his effect on me. I wonder if it is a form of telepathic attack. If so then I should be able to use technology and wire a protective helmet like that of Magneto’s.  I called Mag today and he has promised to fax over the schematics. He guaranteed me that it will work on all super human energy manipulation on the telepathic scale.

Can You Give a Villain a Break?!

I had planned to talk to Catastrophic today regarding this distorted impression thing I cannot seem to shake. I wanted to see if she had any ideas on how to counteract it. It’s been some time now and while the effect seems to be dissipating I still see him whenever I close my eyes. His deep greenish-brown soulful eyes with their little flecks of gold just around the edges, that devil-may care way his crooked grin pulls at one’s sole, that longingly sweet smell of him… I can only wish this kind of torture is what I inflict on my rivals.

 Unfortunately we never got that far. As it turns out, her family held an intervention. They even called in her uncle who is on the Justice League, and the whole damn league showed up! Poor girl was surrounded by generations of hero’s including all of her brothers in full costumed glory. That much spandex in one room should be outlawed. Talk about nightmares. 

Apparently her mother kept wailing, “Why can’t you be more like Steve? He’s a real hero!”

 Steve? Really? Steve the sleaze is more like it. I know Steve. I had several run-ins with him in the civilian world while I was working two jobs during the day and pulling whatever heist I could in the evenings trying  to save up for my first hideout.  He used to come in to the restaurant where I worked, he would always send back his order for no reason at all then he would not only stiff me on my tips every time but he would walk out on his bill as well.  Then he would have the nerve to spout these verbal gems like “Hero’s are what hero’s do. Your welcome.” While grabbing my ass.  

Nothing’s worse than a hero with an over inflated moral complex desperately lacking of basic morals.  I mean they think they are better than us villains, but at least we are honest about who we are. We are not pretending to save all humanity while trying to figure out how to bend it in a way that is completely self-serving. We are very open in our desire to bend the world to serve us. And for the most part we are all excellent tippers. I mean Venom is not but he rarely eats out anyways.  Magneto is famous for always paying in cash and letting the waitress keep whatever coins are left as well as leaving a very generous tip. It has something to do with not wanting to carry around the metal… but whatever.

Steve was my first conquest as the persona The Purple Nightmare. I took great pleasure in taking him down. It wasn’t even that hard, he had been drinking while on patrol.  Stellar hero behavior let me tell you! He had the park beat…there are kids in that park. I am not sure he understood why I was throwing change at him and quoting random hyperboles while he begged for my mercy, but I felt much better afterwards.  

 The whole episode was very upsetting for Cat. She was so mad she actually pushed a kid off his bike on her way over. Anger looks good on her. Her thoughts for once were the appropriate shade of dark.  There were a few thoughts of revenge on her brothers that had actual promise. She definitely suffers from acute anger management… not enough anger to manage. If we can somehow tap into her anger towards her family, there just may be hope for her yet.  We are going to work on that together. 

 I decided she was on the verge of an evil brake through, and I did not want to distract her from her ranting.  I’ll talk to her about my problems later. I can suffer through those hellish dreams a few more nights, if it means Cat finally taps in to her dark side.  That’s what friends are for right? 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is a day for giving thanks, but don't worry 

I already know what you are thankful for...

YOUR WELCOME. 

Some Minions are just so Stupid.

Minion-A texted her benefactor today to inform her that she has found the secret layer inside my secret layer. I find this very exciting news, for I do not have a secret layer inside my secret layer.  That would be redundant, and I hate redundancy.  My best guess, and by guess I mean I know for sure, that she is talking about my old laboratory in the basement. I abandoned that just a few months before she started in my employment.

 Basements are so dark and damp with their cinderblock walls and poor ventilation and I needed something less oppressive, something, light and airy. I wanted lavender walls and soft purple upholstery. I think plotting the destruction of the world should be done in a warm inviting place, not a damp dark dungeon with bad air conditioning.  Besides that security system down there is so outdated any prepubescent teen with an iPhone could hack into it.  I mainly use it for storage now.

 I also forgot to tell the maids to stop cleaning it so I can see why she felt she had stumbled onto something secret. 

The minions are strictly banned from that area, but not because of any secret underground layer I wanted to keep hidden from them, but because it is also next to the chocolate pantry. And minions have no self-control when it comes to sweets. I want to know that when I get a carving for one of those 24 Karat Gold Flexed Criollo Cocoa Bonbon with a Liquid Ruby Center I stole off Captain Cool’s hero appreciation gift basket from Venezuela last month, it will be there, ready to be savored and appreciated.

With this new development I now know how to supply Minion-A and her Benefactor with the exact information I desire.

I also think it’s time to have Minion-A, test the super-secret, only my trust few are aware of, Purple Jet Pack of Flames. The one with the bad guiding system and faulty eject button that I had stored down in the basement until I had the time to work out the kinks.

I have not yet had the time.

Fights, and Heists

Just got home from an extremely successful heist. The Polarized subspace collider is once again back in my possession and I picked up a Trans- Harmonic-Impulse-Neo-Gradient-Scanner. They just left it sitting on the table completely unguarded. So I figured, why not.  I have no idea what I will use it for, yet. But they are so rare I knew if I left it behind I would just have to go back for it sooner or later.

I also faced not only Captain cool, who got a new speedo by the way this one not only is tangerine, it was sparkly. A truly powerful weapon indeed. I almost laughed myself into a stupor. He really needs to stop letting his girlfriend dress him, but I digress.

I came face to face with Super Stud just as I had hoped.  I must admit I am more confused by him than ever.  I am not sure if he is toying with me or if our last battle was just one wild fluke and he is really a bumbling idiot.  Gone was the confidence I was so impressed with just a few days ago. He seemed just as afraid of me as I was of him….. I mean weary, not afraid, I was just wary, and not of him, but of that secret weapon of his. Only a true fool rushes into the unknown without a little trepidation.

Even more disturbing is that I am still suffering from that sensory distortion thing. My …weariness (not fear)  kept coming out as uncontrollable desire to smirk and my eye lids kept closing and opening in quick concession, a fluttering if you will.  What the hell? 

He did not use the weapon again this time. I was careful not to put myself in a vulnerable position while I fought the two of them. But once I pulled the back of the sparkly Speedo over Captain Cools head, leaving him running around in circles trying to free himself. I was forced to face Super Stud in hand to hand just like last time.

Is it possible that, like the Disorienting Impression Materializationer, the cone of distortion affected him as well as me?  Because he too seemed to be doing a lot of smirking, only on him it is much more attractive. He has a very nice set of teeth and his smile is quite debonair. I had not noticed before but he smells like the woods after a spring rain. Musky and yet just a little spicy, it was very alluring. Our mid battle banter seemed more like flirting then exchanging insults, and when I hit him with the Purple Stunning Laser, I think I saw him wink as he fell to the ground. 

I just don’t know what to make of it.

I Am Full of Purple Confusion

I find I am not sleeping very well after my run in with Super Stud. I cannot account for the exact reason why, other then I am deeply disturbed by this new weapon. I am still suffering from the residual effects and it has been several days.

 It haunts my nights. I keep replaying it over and over again in my mind. I have come to the conclusion something truly horrible must have happened and my brain, unable to process the event, blacked out the worst of it.  Every time I close my eyes I see his face barreling towards mine. Only I still see it in that same surreal slow motion I experienced the very first time.

 Now that I am more clear headed, for the most part, I find that I can analyze our encounter better.  I have spent several hours thinking of nothing else. I can clearly see the look in his eyes. That look of awe and surrender.  He knew he was beat. I can also see the brief flashes of confusion and uncertainty that burned in his studly features. I can only assume that the shame of his impending doom was too much for him to take, because he closed his eyes just as, the veil of darkness descended upon me.   

 It’s this confusion, and shame I cannot attest too. If at that moment he knew that he was going to lose, and yet he had such a powerful weapon at his disposal, I can only hypothesize that maybe the weapon was untested and he was unsure it would work. His success over me may have been nothing more than just blind luck.

What is even more disturbing is the warm fuzzy, almost giddy like feeling that reliving these memories stir. It’s enough to make me lose my lunch. Earlier this morning I giggled. ME!!! The Purple Nightmare, terror of the night, giggled.  I have never giggled in my life. I was not even aware such a sick twisted sound was capable of forming in my body. It was enough to send the minions scattering. Even now they watch me with untrusting sidelong glances and flinch with my every movement.  

  Many years ago I toyed with a Disorienting impression materializationer It was designed to render my victims confused. Up would become down and left would then be right. But ultimately it was ineffective. I was unable to concentrate the effects to a centralized beam. The circumference of the influence distribution was too large and I found myself also trapped within the bubble of confusion. Luckily the effects were temporary and because I was aware of what was going on, I was able to make a clean escape. 

 I am wondering if this new weapon works along those same principles, only changes emotions.  If he has figured out a way to distort human emotions and make the effect lasting, he would prove to be a worthy adversary indeed. Not to mention it brings into question his Hero’s code of morality. Most Hero types feel that tinkering with emotions is to dark and should not be attempted by using outside instruments. They prefer old fashion manipulation and trickery to do that.  I wonder if he can be persuaded to work with me and not against me. 

Before I can do anything I must first reclaim the Polarized subspace collider needed for the Purple Haze of Fury generator. My spies tell me that he has returned it to Foster labs once again.  They also discovered that Foster Labs has retained Super Stud’s protective services as well as Captain Cools.  So I may be able to kill two birds with one stone, as they say.  Get the Polarizer subspace collider and get a 2^nd look at this secret weapon. Now that I know what to expect I am sure I can avoid it.  

Even if I am hit with it again, I am curious to see if a 2^nd hit would set my sensory receptors back on track.  Warm and fuzzy giggling is for kittens and puppies and is more suited for Catastrophic then me.  If these symptoms continue I may have to talk to her and get her advice on the proper treatment to squash them.

Finally Face to Face with Super Stud!

I had my first face to face run in with Super Stud today.  And my spies were right he does have lovely eyes. It seems that I have under estimated his skills. He has a secret weapon I was not prepared for. It’s like a stunning ray or a semi- paralyzing beam that leaves its victim helpless and dumb for a few moments.  It took me completely by surprise. I hate to admit that I did not even see where he had the weapon hidden or how he managed to pull it out and use it on me so quickly.

All I remember is that we were fighting. I was winning, this I know because why else would he be forced to pull out a weapon that powerful if he had the upper hand? The very fact he had to use it in the first place shows my superior skills in combat over his.

 We were exchanging the normal piffy banter one expects when engaged in hand-to-hand combat. It is one of their tricks. What they are hoping is that if they get us talking we will start monologue. It was the usual:

“Prepare for your doom, for I am the Purple Nightmare!”

“Wait, you are the purple nightmare?”

“Were you expecting someone else?”

“No, not exactly…. well maybe. Someone a little more, I don’t know, nightmarish…and brunette. You have to admit the name congers up a cretin image.”

“Well I was expecting Ewan McGregor, Super Stud; we don’t always get what we want! Are you prepared to face my rage and to tremble in my greatness?”

“Ewan McGregor? That’s your idea of studly? I would have had you pegged for the Dwayne The Rock Johnson type, maybe a Taylor Lautner. Defiantly not an Ewan McGregor.  Do you mind explaining why?

“What is this an interview or a fight?  What does it matter? I love his accent, He can sing, ok? He’s hot. Some girls prefer a guy who has talent, to those who rest on just their looks, Super Stud.   Now are you prepared to meet your doom or would you like to ask about my childhood pets?"

“Either way you do not scare me, Nightmare.”

“You will quake with fear once you have experienced my full wrath! Long after today you will dream of me and wake begging for your mother.”

He then raised one of his eyebrows at me and said with an insolent tone “I find you intriguing Nightmare. Not at all what I expected. If I do dream of you, it’s not my mother is who I will be calling for when I wake.”

 That’s when I connected a roundhouse kick to his head. He recovered quicker than I expected which is impressive, but I caught the wonderment that flickered in his eyes.  You can always tell when you are about to throw the winning blow in a battle, because something like awe washes across their features that very second they know they have been beaten by true greatness. His was most satisfying. His eyes are the color of summer meadow after a storm and they flashed with a tawny fire of admiration. The little chocolate flecks that rim those hazel orbs sparkled with defeat.  Even the corner of his mouth, which is perfectly shaped by the way, a little bottom heavy and a tiny bit of a crooked slant, that gives it that rakish quality, twitched up just for a moment.    ~* Sigh*~ Have you ever noticed, how on some people paralyzing fear looks a lot like mockery?

  I will admit I was a little distracted, but that was only because he came to the conclusion he had lost so quickly.  I was prepared to battle a lot longer than just a few blows. He must be very bad at hand-to-hand combat, although he hid it well.  I did not see any fatal flaws in his form. Not at all like I do when I face Captain Cool.  Frankly I thought his fighting skills matched my own, and I was pleased to finally have a challenger worthy of my efforts. After the first few blows I had settled with the idea this was going to be a long battle.  So it is understandable that, when that look formed in his eyes, the one that said “I give up! I have met my match.”  It threw me off center and before I had a chance to realize my mistake he had trapped the sides of my face with both his hands and his head started coming towards mine. This is where things start to get a little hazy.

I am sure he head-butted me here. That would explain the confusion and the dream like haze I haven’t been able to shake all day.  It would also help explain why I never saw the weapon he ultimately used against me. But in my mind I see it in slow motion, (it must be a side effect of the weapon) just as his face closed in on mine the world closed in on me.

It was like a veil slowly descending into darkness, until it engulfed me. I never felt the pain of impact. I guess I should be grateful for that much. In fact what I felt was more like the opposite of pain. It was a warm brush of something soft and heated. That’s when the tingling started. My pulse raced and the darken world I was trapped in, started to spin. The sensation that had started at my face worked its way down my spine and then swam circles in my stomach, making it flip over and over again. My arms involuntarily went completely limp and my knees almost gave way.

What little will I had left yielded to the sensation despite my best effort to keep things under control.  And then as quickly as it came the intense warmth left, and the darken veil lifted as if I was opening my eyes slowly. But the sensation of surrender, however lingered far too long. By the time I was able to get my wits about me he was gone and so was the Polarized subspace collider I had just stolen.

  Scientifically speaking it was not all together a bad feeling, just jarring and a little shocking I was taken so off guard.  Being the scientist that I am, I would not mind being hit with that weapon again…strictly for research mind you, and in a controlled environment. It would be the best way to figure out what this weapon is, how to deflect it next time, and more importantly how to recreate it as a weapon of my own!